Neurotic...

Neurotic:

This is what the dictionary listing for neurotic should look like. Instead, however, it wastes valuable space that could be better used by defining other words to say things like:

an emotionally unstable individual

A person prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset

In the Thesaurus synonyms for the word neurotic include words such as:

distraught, disturbed, anxious, basket case, erratic, nervous, nervous wreck, obsessive, unhealthy, upset, uptight, agitated, edgy, touchy, uneasy...etc...

You get the idea.

I feel like, especially lately, that my mind is moving at a thousand miles and hour and I can't make it stop. I don't ever get a break from worrying about ten things at a time, and while people keep saying that I can choose or make myself not think about these things or worry, I don't think they realize how hard what they're saying is to try and do.

I have never dealt well with change. I hate when friends move, or unexpected events happen, I hate making big decisions because I doubt and questions myself every step of the way. I know that there is really nothing I can do to stop things from happening but that only makes it harder because I hate not having control. I hate not having control, and I hate having control all at the same time. I don't like the helpless feeling that comes along with not having control over a situation, but at least when I don't have control I can't be blamed for anything that goes wrong.

Big decisions are hard because I just think about everything that could go wrong with whatever I choose. I constantly am talking myself into and out of things with no regard for what I really want. I am not a naturally happy person, I'm actually very pessimistic and regulate how I feel without even thinking about it.

Anyway, that's enough psychoanalysis for the day...I have to get ready for work.