Friday, March 12, 2010


This is what the dictionary listing for neurotic should look like. Instead, however, it wastes valuable space that could be better used by defining other words to say things like:
an emotionally unstable individual
A person prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset
In the Thesaurus synonyms for the word neurotic include words such as:

distraught, disturbed, anxious, basket case, erratic, nervous, nervous wreck, obsessive, unhealthy, upset, uptight, agitated, edgy, touchy, uneasy...etc...

You get the idea.
I feel like, especially lately, that my mind is moving at a thousand miles and hour and I can't make it stop. I don't ever get a break from worrying about ten things at a time, and while people keep saying that I can choose or make myself not think about these things or worry, I don't think they realize how hard what they're saying is to try and do.
I have never dealt well with change. I hate when friends move, or unexpected events happen, I hate making big decisions because I doubt and questions myself every step of the way. I know that there is really nothing I can do to stop things from happening but that only makes it harder because I hate not having control. I hate not having control, and I hate having control all at the same time. I don't like the helpless feeling that comes along with not having control over a situation, but at least when I don't have control I can't be blamed for anything that goes wrong.
Big decisions are hard because I just think about everything that could go wrong with whatever I choose. I constantly am talking myself into and out of things with no regard for what I really want. I am not a naturally happy person, I'm actually very pessimistic and regulate how I feel without even thinking about it.
Anyway, that's enough psychoanalysis for the day...I have to get ready for work.

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